When you read through the Bible, there are many different responses to God's callings. Gideon asked for confirmation...over and over again. Moses put forth his doubts. When the angel came to Mary and told her God's plan for her life, her response was faithful submission. What about me? What is my response to the Lord's calling on my life?
I think it varies depending on the situation. Some times I respond quickly and with joy. Sometimes I surrender in humility. Sometimes I fight back. But this most recent change in my life shed a lot of light on who I am and how God speaks to me. The truth is that all the major decisions in my life, the major steps of faith God has called me to have a certain pattern to them.
I was offered a job recently--one that I didn't expect; one that I wasn't sure fit into my plans. And in my process of bringing it before the Lord in prayer, He spoke some very clear things to me:
"But you, son of man, hear what I say to you. Do not be rebellious like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you.' Now when I looked, there was a hand stretched out to me; and behold, a scroll of a book was in it. Then He spread it before me; and there was writing on the inside and on the outsdie, and written on it were lamentations and mourning and woe...So I opened my mouth, and He caused me to eat that scroll..." Ezekiel 2:8- 3:2
"So the Spirit lifted me up and took me away, and I went in bitterness, in the heat of my spirit; but the hand of the Lord was strong upon me." Ezekiel 3:14
Every major step of my life I have met with bitterness, in the heat of my spirit. I have cried and I have struggled, but always the hand of the Lord has been strong upon me. The peace found in obedience only comes afterward. But every time the Lord has moved me where He needed me to be.
It's a humbling thing to admit that I have a pattern of resisting God's plans for my life. Ezekiel was told what his ministry would be: lamentations, woe, and mourning. A rebellious people who would not listen to him. A people who would bind him with ropes. Jeremiah is known as the weeping prophet, but Ezekiel's ministry wasn't a piece of cake, either. He laid on his side for a year, and didn't have much choice in the matter! His wife died and he wasn't allowed to mourn her. He had a tough ministry ahead of him, and God was straightforward about it from the beginning.
God knew Ezekiel would have a hard time with a few things. God also knew Ezekiel's name before he was born: "God strengthens." Even during his calling, every time Ezekiel falls on his face, the Spirit lifts him up to his feet.
I am Ezekiel. God is patient with my bitter spirit and my resistance. He restrains me at times in my life, in order to empower me to do His will and keep integrity. He allows loss in my life and uses it to teach other people. He has sent me to a rebellious mission field where there are a lot of hard hearts that may not listen to me, and yet I am a watchman declaring truth to them.
I took the job. And God has arranged everything in my life. And even through the changes, the challenge, the frustrations, I feel so incredibly known. I am learning to do ministry in a new fashion, under a very different leadership team than I am used to. But I feel so confident that God knows my strengths and experience and I am accountable to Him. He has plans for me here.
God is faithful, and He is truly the author of my life. I want to change so that I submit like Mary when God presents me with a step of faith, but I am confident and secure that He loves me anyway, and He will gently get me where I need to go. He makes no mistakes with me.
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