It's Warmer Inside the Refrigerator

You think I'm joking. I thought Delinda was joking when she told me at dinner. Then I ran down to get something out of our walk-in fridge...and it was warmer!

It's been raining all week, and the wet cold seems to never end. On Tuesday a heavy frost covered everything and it almost looked like snow!

I find it easy to want to complain and get frustrated at shivering every day, and being afraid to sit down on the metal chairs at meal time...but this morning Junior (our Camp Director) lovingly reminded me that there are many poor people who are living out in this weather all winter. We have a roof over our heads, warm beds, warm showers (most of the time), food, and sometimes a heated room.

But I am so grateful to God that He doesn't leave me where I am. Every week as the students learn lessons, I learn right alongside them.

This week some of the most vulnerable parts of me were poked and I got to see what was inside. I had to depend on God and trust in His faithfulness more than I trust in my fellow staff members. Once again, I learned that His plan for me is so much greater than I realize. He works all things for good...literally. I have watched Him take our frailties as staff members and turn them into a beautiful picture of discipleship.

This semester I have been entrusted with a lot of confidentiality and with a lot of responsibility. I am in a position where I speak into students lives and disciple them in their Biblical knowledge, and I feel so humbled. There is no room for pride right now as deadlines keep me at a fast pace. I constantly pray in faith as I make decisions and do my job, and so far He has counted me faithful and kept me protected in His grace and knowledge.

Some verses He has been speaking to me:

Jeremiah 45:5 "'And do you seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them; for behold, I will bring adversity on all flesh,' says the Lord, 'But I will give your life to you as a prize in all places, wherever you go.'"

Deuteronomy 12:5 " 'But you shall seek the place where the Lord your God chooses, out of all your tribes, to put His name for His dwelling place; and there you shall go.' "

--I am in a season where I am learning I cannot choose when and where to make myself a living sacrifice to the Lord. I must seek the place where He wants me to serve...right now that means here at Patmos. It's so easy to think that a sacrifice is a sacrifice and it will please the Lord wherever it is (and sometimes this is true)...but God made it very clear that He wanted them to go to a specific place to worship--He wanted obedience and effort.

So although this was a very "cold" week (physically and spiritually), I am beginning to see maybe why God brought me through it. I am beginning to see that my whole life makes sense in light of what He has planned for me. I will welcome the cold if it transforms me to be more like Him.

I love you all. May God help you to realize that it is sometimes warmer in the refrigerator--and that's a good thing. Because when the refrigerator feels warm, you won't complain about a breeze on a sunny day.

Patmos: Brazil 2

Week 2 is over; week 3 is about to begin.

Time flies by and goes so slow at the same time. The first week the students were here felt like the longest week of my life! But now we only have 8 weeks left with these students, and there is still so much to teach them.

Pastor Chet has named them the class of Soldiers. With that comes attack from the enemy. I feel like, more than any other class, these students are comfortable in their flesh and willing to give into temptation-which is exactly what the enemy wants to do to soldiers. But they are hear, and they want to change. This last Friday was a powerful day for them as they learned that we are helpless to live up to the law; that Christ has given us victory over the law; that because of what He did for us on the cross, we ought to live with a passion that glorifies Him.

One strength of this class is that we have 4 students who speak Portuguese, and 3 who speak Spanish. This is huge for evangelism, or even interacting with Patmos: Desperta, which is here this weekend. My prayer is that they will impact Campo Mourao in huge ways.

The staff is doing well. We have three interns, and they have been a huge blessing. They seek out where they are needed and they fill in the gaps. It is huge to have confidence that the kitchen is always taken care of. :) Our staff is keeping pretty busy, but we are all grateful, I think, to be so close geographically. I think this is a time of rest and restoration as we pour into the students. We have a staff small group that meets Sunday afternoons. As a team, I feel we are very mature and responsible.

There has been a nasty cough going around though, so please be in prayer. This last week, the women's staff hall was practically a sick ward. There were four ladies down at once, and the rest of us would come visit them at meal times. Praise the Lord, most of them are recovering now! But some of the students are a little sick, some staff still trying to recover, and some people are getting fresh cases.

Last week we had a few guest pastors come and visit and teach. It was very refreshing. Tomorrow Darcie Gill, from the Voice of the Martyrs is coming in and I am very exciting! She is an amazing woman, and I love to hear her speak. She will be here for a few days.

Other than that-we are persevering. The weather has been gorgeous...but supposedly a cold front is coming in with a storm tomorrow :( We'll see how cold it gets.

Last thing: also please pray about our future. These weeks will fly by, and then we will be moving back to Florida and looking at what's next. I haven't heard that we officially have our property yet, but I think we are pretty confident about it.

I love you all! Keep in prayer, and I will try to keep you updated!!!!

An Odyssey of Love

Life never turns out the way I expect it to. Neither do the people in my life. Neither do I.

Every day is a new beast, no two are ever alike and they hardly ever turn out the way I thought they would. But I don't like living day to day so much. They say every organism has its own niche in the ecosystem...ever wonder if humans do? I guess, technically, we should be able to live anywhere with the power of the Holy Spirit. But I know He takes pleasure in forming us like puzzle pieces, and when we find our perfect fit, He is glorified.

Today is June 2nd, 2011. Ten years ago I was eleven years old. Ten years ago I was landing in LAX, and my heart was shattered. Six months earlier my parents had told us we would be going to the States for an extended period of time. Six months wasn't long enough to say goodbye. I remember crying over my lost dreams. I would not go to middle school or high school at HIS. I would miss the 8th Grade Sneak, and OE. I would not be able to play on the basketball team. I would not graduate from HIS. I remember crying over the friends I might never see again. But I knew, even then, that my grieving process had just begun.

Goodbye Home. Goodbye green rainforest and white, puffy clouds hanging over Mt. Cyclops. Goodbye pasar. Goodbye Wamena, Bokindini, Boma, and Sentani. Goodbye Jayapura and Ikan Bakar. Goodbye to quiet Saturday mornings on base. Goodbye Super Mie. Goodbye rain showers, and pembantus, Kali Biru, the Green Door Store, and the Dani people.

Ten years have passed. Tonight I am departing for Brazil. Sometimes I wonder if my eleven year old self were to look at me now....what would she think? Would she approve? Would she be excited that I was who she would grow up to be? Would she be comforted to see how much I have healed, and grown, and thrived?

I never in a thousand years, thought I would end up here. I never could have dreamed up Patmos, but God dreamed it for me. Now I live a nomadic lifestyle, without comforts, ministering to others. Every day is an adventure and a battle. I have a close-knit community around me. I see God's fingerprints. I see twenty-one years of preparation. I see that I lived a missionary lifestyle for 19 years before I even came to Patmos. And all I can think is that I am so grateful that life doesn't turn out the way we expect. I expected to go to college and get a degree, maybe three. I expected to be self-sufficient. I expected to never fit in. I expected to be cynical and hard my whole life. I expected to never live a life that compared to my childhood.

God dashed my expectations. I love Him for it.

So even though I am not returning to Indonesia on my ten year anniversary (and that has been my dream for so long), I praise God and I am excited about where I will go next. I had a chance. I had a chance to go back to Indonesia this year, but through the process of following that dream, I discovered I'd rather do God's will, and let Him form my future, then pursue my desires. I am glad that God dashed my expectations and that I am going to Brazil and not Indonesia, because I am with Him. I am following Him, and He is forming me into the woman that will most glorify Him.

Dear Jesus,

I do have expectations out of life. I am human and that is how my mind works. But I don't mind if you change them. My greatest expectation is to go to heaven, and I KNOW that that is a sure thing. So form my future out of clay, and I will be pleased with whatever you give me.

I am so grateful He has never abandoned me. I am so grateful that He took me from that eleven year old, to who I am now. I still miss my home. But I love my Savior more.

A Life On the Ocean

Dear friends,

I am sitting upstairs in a small, windowless office that we fondly call a pack rat's haven (otherwise known as the Patmos office). Right now I see an orange wheel barrow, a step ladder, a marble table, pots and pans, coolers, a printer, tents, floodlights, and I know that behind me stand a washer and dryer. Not your average office. But we are not your average ministry either.

Tonight at 5:00pm, 17 staff and interns will check into Miami International Airport with 51 bags. We will fly for about eight or nine hours and upon landing, will take a city bus to the bus stop, then catch a public bus for a twelve hour trip to Campo Maurao. Thus begins our second term in Brazil. We have twenty students who will be coming a week later. They have already been on a journey of faith in just applying and raising support. They have no idea what is ahead of them. Please be in prayer for their hearts.

But really, I was reminded of what an unusual ministry this was when I landed back in Florida on the 23rd. Nothing is ever still or stable here. The stakes are higher and so the battles are bigger. Only sometimes we don't see it. We live like leaves on the surface of the ocean, following our leader. When something hits and unsettles the water, or when our leader moves, the water ripples, and we have to ripple with it to survive. We have to be loose, holding on to nothing, letting go of control, and willing to submit and love. Otherwise we will be washed up on shore. I have seen it happen. I have seen staff members get washed up on shore because they burnt out. And I am sure that God is leading them on their own journeys now, outside of Patmos, but they are dearly missed.

I just want to ask for prayer. The enemy attacks us as much as he can, even in little ways. Pray for the staff as we prepare to battle over twenty new students who Christ wants to make into soldiers. Pray for our hearts, that we would follow God's voice with courage and without compromise. Pray that we would have spiritual sight to discern when the arrows of the enemy are attacking. Pray for unity and humility.

I will try my best to keep updating my blog from Brazil. Thank you for all your prayers and love and support. I am so very excited about the work that God is going to do this term, the people He is going to set free, and the hearts that He is going to transform.

I love you all. Let me know how I can be praying for you in return.