Denver

I am sitting in the Denver airport, looking at the white world outside—so different from the green and blue one that I just left. The blowing snow gives a feeling of comfort and safety, like we are an island under a blanket. The airport is full and bustling with people arriving and departing, and yet it seems more quiet than loud. No one to talk to here. So I sit and enter into conversation with the Lord. Together we’ve been looking over my life, especially the last few years of it.

He hasn’t painted a clear picture of what’s ahead for me. But we play a game where I guess. I dream up visions and paintings. He doesn’t confirm or refute them. But we go through them together and pick them apart. Sometimes He tells me it is a good vision because it is full of the things that He loves. Sometimes He explains why I want those things. Sometimes He shows me how my desires have so completely changed.

It’s funny how a year and a half of your life can fundamentally change who you are. I can’t predict whether I’ll “pass or fail” in the next stage of my life. But I know that there are things inside of me that are very different. So I feel this confidence from the Lord that I will approach things differently.

I am so grateful for the people in my life in Florida and how much they taught me and poured into me. I kind of feel like I’m returning to my real life from Narnia. I know that some things will be hard and disappointing. I know that I will miss Narnia. But I am excited to do this life well now. Because there are people and places and things that I love here too. And my God is not done with me.

Can These Dry Bones Live?

It is a question that the Lord asks of Ezekiel in Ezekiel 37.

It is a question that I have been asking the Lord lately. Can these dry bones live?

When you think about it, there are very few processes on Earth that can be reversed. Wood that has been burned cannot be turned from ashes back into wood. Words cannot be taken back. Water cannot flow back up a waterfall. A tree cannot turn back into a seed. It seems this world was made to flow in one direction. Time passes, and there is not stopping it and there is no reversing it. And what is more irreversible than death? A dead plant cannot be made to live again. And a man, once he has died, and his body has returned to the earth, and all that is left is bones...what is more final than that? How many people have longed to return loved ones from the grave? But it is impossible. It is perhaps the one natural "force" in this world that humanity has not conquered in some way.

And God asks Ezekiel, "Can these dry bones live?" Ezekiel answers in faith: "You know, Lord." The Lord proceeds to raise those bones, and form bodies, to put muscles and skin on them, and to breathe breath into them.

The answer to His question was yes. "I am God, and I can make dead things live again." It makes me wonder what situation in life is too hopeless for our God. It is easy to feel dry and dead. It is easy to feel like there is no going back and it would be impossible for God to breathe new life into a situation. But the truth is that our God can create life out of nothing. And after that life dies, our God can restore it to life again.

What a flawed, fallen world we live in! What a flawed, sinful person I am. I am finding out more and more how immature I am--like a young sprout. I have not lived that long on this earth. There is so much I have left to learn. And I make mistakes every day. And recently it has been easy to think that I have turned into a dry skeleton. Where is the fruit in my life? Why do I keep failing? Is there hope that I will move past this dry, frustrating season and follow God on the right path and bear fruit again? Yes. Because these dry bones can live...when the Spirit fills them with life.

We just finished the first week of Patmos 10. Praise the Lord. I have gone through weeks with less sleep, but for some reason this one made me exhausted. But I am excited as well. I am excited about the potential for this class. They are a little older in age and a little more mature. So far, we haven't lost any of them!

Thank you for your thoughts, your prayers, and your love!
I will try to write more often!

Middle of Summer Already?

Dear World,

Here I am. Today is June 28th. Last night at Eikon (our church's twenty somethings ministry) my friend said, "It's July already." And I had a complete freak out moment. It was reassuring to realize I hadn't had a lapse of amnesia. It really is still June. But it is almost July. And that is still an intimidating thought.

Since we don't have a term this summer, we are working a general 9-5 schedule...with extra curricular activities of course. Surprisingly, I still can't seem to find the time to do things on my to-do list.

But here are some things I have accomplished this summer:

-painted another picture
-a little sketching
-kept consistently reading "The Count of Monte Cristo" in Bahasa Indonesia
-experimental cooking
-spontaneous beach trips
-a small amount of writing...

What I want to do this summer:

-go out on the sea in an outrigger canoe
-spend more time at the beach
-catch up with friends (coffee dates)
-go to a museum

Not a lot of huge goals, I guess. It doesn't feel like summer time. Just slow work time. The thing is that I am not all that excited about my work...but hey. I am still grateful for where I am at. But I am waiting for the next step. I know there is a next step coming, and I have been praying for it. I am waiting to get started.

Before we know it, the next term will be upon us. We'll start prepping for it at the beginning of August. And then the chaos will start again. I want to humbly ask for your prayers for this next term. It has become overwhelmingly evident that who we have on staff really defines the term in some ways. If our staff is not a team, if our staff is not spiritually mature...the term becomes very hard. Obviously, the Lord still works...but the work is hard.

I want to ask you to start praying for our team. That we would be united in love. That we would be spiritually mature, willing to sacrifice, giving up our flesh, and striving after Jesus Christ.

Love you all!

Striving For Newness of Life

Greetings,

I realize it has been a while. I just managed to finish the draft I had started to explain my Colombia trip! And now I realize that was already almost a month ago! To say things have been hectic is an understatement. The week after we got back from Colombia, half of the students became very ill, making our normally crazy curriculum, even more of a challenge as we had to balance transportation for doctor appointments and such. Then two of our students came down with what looked like the Chiken Pox. The last two weeks our staff has been split between Okeechobee (where there is no internet) and Fort Lauderdale. 

Spiritually and emotionally, I feel like I have been swimming in the midst of a stormy ocean. The Lord has been utterly breaking me and humbling me. He has placed burdens on me like Nehemiah, and called me to pray and mourn and fast while still being faithful to the full time workload I am committed to. 

I have see my spirit react to things I don't understand and I know the Lord is working deep in my heart to root up issues there, but it is so difficult to trust Him sometimes! I don't know why He has chosen to do it in the middle of a term! 

I humbly ask for your prayers:

-that He would clearly direct my steps and prepare my works in advance

-that I would be diligent to do the work that is set before me, despite how I feel

-that He would give me wisdom to speak into the lives of students-exactly what they need to hear

-that He would give me a heart of love and service for the staff-that I would not isolate from them but be bound together with them

-that He would strengthen and purify my heart, and get me to the place where I need to be

The students just finished a pivotal week in Patmos. It is one in which their sin is exposed to them and they realize that as Christians, we often cover up and hide our sin and try to move forward in ministry. But God smells the stench of our sin, and He wants us to die to it so that He can raise us to life and we can walk in newness of life. It is a powerful week, and I pray that the understanding sinks into each of their hearts and that they move forward to really change. But I also pray that I would learn this lesson again. I don't want to be comfortable in my sin when it is hindering me from looking like Christ. I want to confess my sin and then step out of it and be free. 

I pray that this finds you all well and God is taking you down your own journeys of understanding and change. Thank you for your support and prayer it means the world to me. I will be sure to let you all know when God reveals what He has been doing in me this term! 

Colombia!

Viva Colombia! Yes...I recently had the honor of visiting that country on a Patmos mission trip! Surprisingly, it is only a few hour flight from Fort Lauderdale. We landed around lunch, met up with our friends from last year, and headed to our hotel. We got to settle in a little, then went on a walk around downtown-praying for the city and connecting with students.

The first day we went to a small school. It was established to try and help rescue children from the sex industry, although we found out that many of the kids are still exposed to prostitution after they go home. :( We spent all day with these kids-loving them. They were little darlings who just wanted to be loved. In the morning we played games, colored, danced, and gave a few little devotionals. In the afternoon we all walked out into the community together and had the opportunity to visit some of their houses- and share what we call "love bags." These are small bags of some essential food items: rice, oil, etc.

On Wednesday we went back in the same area and split into two teams. One team went out into the community in the morning to give out Love Bags and Spanish Bibles. The other team picked up trash. My small group was passing out Love Bags and Bibles. My co-leader Zach and I agreed to let the students lead. We told them they needed to decide where to go, and they needed to take the lead in speaking to people. They were being very uncertain until the oldest member of the group, Todd, finally spotted a group of men and decided to go talk to them. We introduced ourselves and then started to get to know them. They said they knew who God was, but there was no church around so they never got to hear the Word of God. All of us thought, why not do a Bible study right here? So Todd took out his Bible and taught on what he had been learning: John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." The men were all very receptive and eager to listen and we ended up leading 6 or 7 of them to the Lord! Then they asked if we could do another Bible study later in the afternoon. Of course we said yes!

The rest of the day we saw the Lord working as he led us to different families. One woman was a single mother  with 4 children who had trying to walk by faith, even when that meant quitting her job--the only form of income she had, because the Lord let her to. And then we showed up with food at her door. She was moved to tears and so eager to come to our Bible study! She wanted to bring the whole town. At the Bible Study she rededicated her life to the Lord!

Thursday morning we got to visit a women's prison. A couple of the students shared their testimonies and then the students did a skit, and gave the gospel. All the women in the prison raised their hands to accept Jesus into their hearts! Afterward we were able to pray with them in small groups and find out how we can pray for them in the future. Many of them were mothers, separated from their children, and just longing to be free again.

Thursday evening and Friday we visited some missionaries in a nearby town. They were from Oregon. They had been living very comfortable lifestyles until the Lord called them to start an orphanage in Cartagena. It was amazing to hear their stories of faith. They did not do any fundraising, but the Lord orchestrated people to partner with them and give them funds. Now they are living by faith. They have already taken in 5 little Colombian children who were rescued from bad situations. We got to help these two families with some much needed manual labor around their property. We carried loads of palm leaves down the hill to the new house they are building, we broke up tile so they can build a new gazebo, we picked up trash, we dug out clay, we dug a well, and we tried our best just to encourage them in the Lord.

The students did an evangelistic skit in the town square Friday night and saw several people come to the Lord.

On Saturday we took a short boat ride to a nearby island called Tierra Bomba. It is completely impoverished without even running water. We had the opportunity to do VBS with a couple hundred kids! We sang songs, did skits, colored pictures, the girls learned a fun dance, the boys played soccer, and we just loved them!

Finally on Sunday we had the opportunity to go to church and then had a little R and R time. One of our hosts, Liv, took us to a popular tourist beach. It was beautiful there: white sands and clear ocean. The ride home, however, was not so peaceful. There was one little ferry that would take everyone across a little channel, back to the main road. On the way back we hit traffic! Let's just say it reminded me of waiting to cross the border in Tijuana! We literally waited in line for 3 or 4 hours! But we made it back safe and sound and flew out the next day.

Overall the trip was fruitful. The students went out and did evangelism almost every night, and overall we must have seen 30-40 people come to the Lord. It was refreshing to see the students apply what they had been learning. For weeks, we were teaching them about Faith and Hope and now they got to go out and talk to real people who were hurting and angry, confused, and suffering and they got to share their hearts. It was a really awesome time to connect with the students and serve alongside of them to try to bless the people of Cartagena! There were so many stories to share, but I tried to give a good overall glimpse of what we did and how we served!

Say Hello Again to Nehemiah

I have read through the book of Nehemiah several times. When I was a student at Patmos, we were required to read a book called "Victorious Christian Service," by Alan Redpath. It was a study of the book of Nehemiah. It blew my mind. I think it was my favorite book of all Patmos. Sometime last year God prompted to read through Nehemiah again for devotions and I was so moved by how God spoke to me through it. This term--my apartment has decided to study it together. :)

Allison never read Victorious Christian Service, and it wasn't in curriculum Katie's term (my other room mate) so we are reading through it together. But this morning I think I realized why.

It's been a crazy term. I feel like we just finished the first week of Patmos, and this is our first weekend. In reality, we just finished the 3rd week of Patmos, and all the Staff has been in Patmos "mode" for a week before that. It's a new term, in a new location, with a new load of challenges. Our leadership structure has changed. We've lost four fellow soldiers, and gained some "green hands." ;)  On top of that, we have quite a large class of 24--a number which affects me and my work more than anyone. Basically this term has been very challenging-especially for the curriculum team, of which I am part.

I've sacrificed a lot of sleep, a lot of "off" time, and a lot of comforts. The other day I had a number of conversations that got me thinking this week: what about this term is different? Am I merely filling needs or am I truly ministering in areas God has called me to? I already felt like God has been stressing over and over that this is a time of training for me-but of course I don't know exactly what that means. I just know I am called to diligence and faithfulness.

And then I was reading Nehemiah chapters 3 and 4. Nehemiah is leading the people as they rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, but of course they have opposition that rises against them. I realized a few things:

-We as a staff (and I think me especially) are building a work for the Lord. (We are trying to establish Patmos in a new location/we are building students' spiritual houses/we are doing the work of discipleship) T

-The enemy wants to oppose us.

-We need to be vigilant (a spear in one hand/construction in the other)

-Sometimes there are seasons where you don't sleep, you put in all your effort until the work is completed.

I truly feel that this time is one of those seasons for me. It will be busy and hard. But I can't slack off for the sake of comfort or rest. I have been called here to help with this work, and right now this is what the battle looks like.

That having been said, I am so grateful to find moments of rest and refreshment from the Lord. I feel sustained and supported. As hard as I am working, the Lord is consistently meeting me, pushing me, and encouraging me.

Please pray for this class:
-they struggle a lot with rebellion and disrespect
-they are not united
-they live in their emotions instead of being founded in the Word of God
-many of them struggle with anxiety/other mental battles

God is working. I am grateful to be a part of it. I love you all.

The Overdue Update

Dear friends,

I know an update is long overdue--but I have been waiting to let myself process some thoughts first. It seemed to me that some things might be easier to write about in hindsight. So here we go.

I am back in the States! (as most of you should know...) My last month in Indonesia was my busiest. Overall I would sum up my time there as a huge stepping stone for God and Beth. Just the process of getting there was a journey of faith as I pioneered the trip alone, figuring out visa, accomodations, schooling, dates etc. And then of course going by myself to a place in Java I had never been with no one I knew there was a step of faith for me.

The three months I spent there was a time of personal growth. I know God did some big things in my heart. It was just me and Him. I had some real hard spiritual times, some peaceful times, and some moments of fun. I learned a lot about God's Grace. I was challenged by Amy Carmichael's quote, "Missionary life is simply a chance to die," and challenged by how much of my flesh was still alive. It seemed to me that even after years of walking with Christ, I was no better at killing my flesh, choosing righteousness, and saying no to temptation.

But God reminded me of something in Jeremiah 23:

 ⁵ “ Behold, the days are coming,” says the LORD, 

      “ That I will raise to David a Branch of righteousness; 
      A King shall reign and prosper, 
      And execute judgment and righteousness in the earth. 
       ⁶ In His days Judah will be saved, 
      And Israel will dwell safely; 
      Now this is His name by which He will be called: 

      THE LORD OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS.


The Lord IS my righteousness. He has covered over my sin and washed me clean. I cannot strive for righteousness on my own--I will fail. And I realized that He has a different standard of righteousness than I do. My standard means being perfect--and I think I have to attain a sinless nature. His standard for me is that I would know Him, strive after Him, and come quickly to a place of repentance. His Grace is enough for me.


When I got back to the States I noticed something a little strange: I felt like I had a better grip on reality. It's hard to explain how living in America for so long surrounded by home-grown Americans often made Indonesia feel like a dream. I really believe my time there finally closed a chapter in the Life of Beth Dawson and opened a new one at the same time. I felt like me and God made some progress and the woman I am becoming felt a little more whole. 


My week in Florida was different than I thought it would be. Unexpectedly, I did go through a bit of culture shock. It was so easy to settle in over there and get back in touch with the world I used to know so well--and so easy to be out of touch with America, that coming back I had to adjust a little bit again. I had to adjust to the pace of the life, relationships, and the spiritual environment here. It was good to get on the plane and fly off to Idaho, knowing my Indonesian-speaking family would be able to understand a little bit better where I just came from. 


On Christmas Day I went with my parents to their small International Church, and as their little choir made a heartfelt attempt at the Hallelujah Chorus, I choked up and felt chills running up and down my spine. A little over a week ago I had been living in a land where the call to prayer sounds five times a day, and now I was hearing this choir boldly and joyfully proclaim God's Supremacy: "And He shall reign forever and ever/ King of Kings/ and Lord of Lords." I was so moved in my spirit by the beautiful sounds of those words! 


Overall this time in Idaho has been peaceful and refreshing. I read a book called "Evidence Not Seen" about Darlene Diebler Rose, a young missionary in New Guinea who was imprisoned by the Japanese in WWII. The book was beautiful, heart wrenching, close to home, and utterly inspiring. I felt like a changed person afterwards--like I had just been on a journey with a dear friend. 


Just yesterday, the 1st of the year, my parents and I drove up the mountain to visit some friends, the Herzogs. They were in Papua for a few years when I was young, and now they work with YWAM. It was a beautiful and refreshing weekend, but my favorite part was when we were sitting around the table talking about our Lord, His Church, the furtherance of the Gospel, and what the Lord is doing around the world. I felt such rich joy as I realized, once again, what a rich heritage I have been born into, I thought about the work of the Lord that I have ahead of me, and the Goodness of God in this past year. 


So 2011 is over. It was an interesting year with some hard things, some surprises, and some unexpected joys. On January 9th I will return to Florida to prepare for Patmos' spring term as I continue to help disciple this next generation to be modern day John the Baptists--preparing the Way for the Lord's return. We face new challenges as a ministry and as Staff and as always we are grateful for your prayers. And of course, the students need your prayers as well. 


May God bless you in this New Year with His Grace and Truth


Beth Dawson