Kindness and Grace- Lessons from Job

A caution sign that I spotted in the shower this morning: CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE

Three words that change the way you handle an object. Three words that should change the way you treat a person. How helpful it would be if we came with warning labels.

I have a confession to make. I am a fixer. Part of this I blame on my "communal-oriented" culture. My personal philosophy is that the group is more important than the individual, thus the group dynamic is more important than the individual, thus if there is an issue with one person, it has to be resolved before the group can return to equilibrium. Fix it. Find a solution. Restore balance. But this isn't always the most helpful approach with people in pain.

I sit down with a girl who starts explaining the issues she's struggling with, and my gift of discernment can't help but start listing off cause and effect. I want to explain to her that A is causing B and producing C and if she stops A, or initiates D, then B and C will be resolved. I want healing for her, resolution, peace, joy. But you know what it feels like to her sometimes? "You are a bunch of moving parts, making bad decisions. You need to replace this part with a new one, and change." True? Maybe. Helpful? Maybe not.

I know what it is like to show people my pain and have them give me directions on how to get out of it. It's the "nail in the forehead" dilemma that drives men up the wall (see the humorous video on youtube). Here's what I think I am communicating to the girl with the nail in her head: I care about you, I want you to be free of pain, I'm going to help you fix this. The funny thing is, saying those words would be a lot better than listing the immediate solution. Because when people give me simple solutions, I feel like I am a box on their checklist. I feel like I just took my car to the mechanic and he's staring at me like I'm an idiot because I haven't changed my oil in years. I feel belittled, condemned, and that everything about me is wrong.

"To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shown by his friend, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty." (Job 6:14
This has become one of my favorite verses, especially when doing ministry. Yes, sometimes people need to hear the truth. There is a time and a place for rebuke and difficult exhortation. But read verse 15:

"My brothers have dealt deceitfully like a brook, like the streams of the brooks that pass away, which are dark because of the ice, and into which the snow vanishes."

I don't want to be like ice water. "Your gentleness has made me great." (Psalm 18:35)

My job is not to create repentance, soften a hard heart, or fix the situation. My job is to show compassion. ALWAYS. Always. Always. Always. Gentleness and kindness to the afflicted. The Holy Spirit will do the convicting and the changing.

It hurts to be afflicted and receive stern words from your friends. I don't want to be that person.